I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
