im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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