i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
