Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
