She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I wish there were birth control emojis
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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