how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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