Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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