so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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