Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
