Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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