I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
