you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
