My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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