You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
