she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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