Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
