I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
