roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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