Non-Jews are for practice
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
