its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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