How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
