I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I checked into jail on foursquare
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
