Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
