You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
