great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
