My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
