I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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