So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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