This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
