I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Pooping to opera.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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