I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
