If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
