you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
