Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
