That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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