I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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