apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
