finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
