Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
