After last night, I could never be a politician.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
