My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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