I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
