If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
