Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
