I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
