its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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