My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
