Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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