rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
