I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
